From Peggy Morrison; Sarah and Yehoshua Nagel

I found myself working in the same room with Brenda at a school in San Pedro California one year and we hit it off right away. We would walk at lunch time to get some exercise and I would ask Brenda a bunch of questions about her Kosher life and she would ask me about my life. While I have many Jewish friends , Brenda's family is the most religious one I know. I’m not sure what year this was but it was before Moshe got married,maybe 13 years ago. I was interested and admired the thoughtful life that Brenda and her family live. This led me to meeting “my Scottish cousin, Daniel”, as I called him. Over time and with many visits to the Rubin home and sukkot celebrations and dinners that I couldn’t reciprocate and hiking and visits to Seal Beach for the sandcastle contest and kite festival I came to know and enjoy Daniels humor. The way he always was a willing teacher and explained what was going on to me and his particular tone of saying ” Mrs. Rubin”, make me smile as I think of them now. The happiness and joy of every new grandchild and wedding. The fantastic trips to far corners of the world. The celebration of Rachelis' recent marriage this fall in L.A. is so fresh in my mind. Our last outing was to the National Geographic Photography Exhibit in L.A.. I know he was fatigued but he seemed to enjoy it and never complained. I always wanted to give him a hug because that’s what I do—and I knew I couldn’t - so I devised a way where I would hug Brenda and she would hug Daniel for me-or I’d give him an “air hug". I hope that wasn’t too embarrassing for him because it made me happy. The Daniel I remember was so calm and warm. He loved his family so much. He had humorous ways of looking at things that I appreciated. He welcomed me into his life and home. I know that it will be hard but Brenda will carry on and we can share warm memories of dear Daniel. My life was enhanced by knowing him. Sincerely,
Peggy Morrison, California


BS"D
Here is a snippet of some of our memories of Daniel A"H:
- Always quick to smile and tell a joke.
- He used to call me Potato man
- He hosted the most amazing Sheva brachot for us. Beautifully decorated, with a play and trivia and games
- Once I was admiring his collection of sefarim on his bookshelf and mentioned that I noticed a particularly spiritual influence in his choice of books. He replied "oh, the Gemaras are on the other shelf...of course, that's not to say they aren't spiritual either!"- I appreciated his very logical and systematic approach, even to things as mundane as clearing the Shabbat table

Wishing you arichut yamim and a Shabbat shalom,
Sarah and Yehoshua Nagel

From Shelley Feldman-Breitbart

My Dear Brenda,
What I will always remember of your dear husband was his unfailing smile and good humor. He was incredibly kind to Tzipi's husband , Dudi, when they lived here. Dudi always said that had it not been for your husband and his welcoming smile he would have walked out of YICC and not come back. I loved Daniel's sense of humor and the way he teased all of our kids at the various Shabbos and Yom Tov tables we shared. Despite the financial difficulties that the practice of medicine served up, Daniel always took it in stride and refused to compromise the way he practiced medicine. He was an example to me and made me feel less alone in my own struggle to take care of patients properly despite the financial disincentives. I felt I had a shared soul in that regard.

Daniel was selfless. He lived for others and to make things better for everyone. I loved his tuneless Kiddush which always came from the heart. The two of you raised the sweetest, finest children with such love and such good middos. I do believe that the two of you were a most perfect match. Even though our world has lost a wonderful person on an everyday basis, Olam Habah has gained a perfect soul to watch over all of us. May you all find comfort amongst the mourners of Zion.

With all my love and sympathy,
Shelley Feldman-Breitbart

From Lydia and Harry Weisman

Yes, he always had that nice zaftig laugh; yes, he always showed love and appreciation for his wife and children; yes, he always was a most respectful son-in-law; yes, he always was a most sincere bal tshuva; one could argue he had years to perfect all these roles. However, when he faced his sudden terminal disease with such honesty, courage and openness, I was simply blown away. How could he know in an instant that he should rely on his faith to guide him; how could he understand immediately that he needed to support and appreciate all his beloved wife’s efforts on his behalf and that she was his partner to the end; how could he grasp that he needed to make herculean efforts to savor every precious gift of each moment with his children and grandchildren of whom he was so proud, and showed them his pride. I can truly say Daniel became a role model for me in how to deal with adversity with courage and dignity, and always believing that Hashem is by your side. I believe it was partly because he showed this love for Hashem and the people around him that everyone gathered around him to show their support, but I believe also to be near him to learn from him. I know I feel honored to have learned from him. May his memory always be for a blessing. Lydia and Harry

From Mark Herskovitz, Frieda Korobkin, and David Felsenthal

Mark Herskovitz:
One of my early memories of your Abba is during a Shevah Brachot for your parents. The Shevah Brachot occurred at your grandparents. I believe it may have been a Shabbat Day Shevah Brachot. [You need to check with your mother on this.] There was a huge crowd. At least it seemed that way to me -- I was about 10-years-old. Toby Frieman (now Toby Klein) was also there, she was much younger than I. (Toby was maybe 5-years-old at the time.) The Shevah Brachot were outside in the back yard. There was also a table set up in the dining room inside. We kids were running around. The door to the service porch was opening and closing and I remember the smell of your grandmother's chulent - the best ever. Anyway, some flies got into the house from the outside. Toby saw them hovering above the Challah, and she said: "Danny, Danny, the flies are eating the Callah." Your Abba did not miss a beat. He said: "I sure hope not. We just got married." I thought that was the funniest thing!

I also remember how our Zeddy, Rev Shalom Herskovitz, wanted both your Abba and I to come learn Parsha with Rashi with him each Sunday morning, at his Shtibel (Kehal Chatam Sofer on Melrose Ave.) Your Abba was much more dedicated to attendance than I. (I was just about Bar Mitzvah age at the time.) Your Abba would go every Sunday (or nearly every Sunday.) I would sometimes miss for this reason or that, but I recall being disappointed on the rare occasions when I would show up, but your father was not there. When we were both there, Zeddy would have your Abba read a Pasuk and translate. Then it was my turn. I could see what a special admiration Zeddy had for your Abba, each time it was his turn to read. I could also see that the feeling was mutual. Sometimes, your Abba would stop and ask interesting questions about the narrative or point out something that may have troubled him. Zeddy would pause and he think for a few moments before carefully responding. I think Zeddy understood how important it was for your father to have a meaningful response to his questions or observations. I could feel the special Kavod your Abba showed for Zeddy, and I would notice the appreciation your Abba had for the response he would receive from Zeddy. I also recall looking forward to when your Abba was there to learn with Zeddy with me, because he served as this magical buffer - who was at a completely different and higher level than I. Your Abba's questions and observations helped me appreciate that Chumash was not a linear text, although both your Abba and I used what I think was novel for its time, a linear translation Chumash with Rashi.

Sincerely,
Mark

--
Dear Brenda, Amira, Moshe, Devora, Racheli, Revital, Yosef, Eric:
You are all very much in our thoughts and hearts, as are our memories of your dear husband/father Z”L.

Speaking for myself, the most vivid memory I have, and the one that made the most impression on me and which I will carry with me to the end of days, is seeing your father every Shabbat afternoon sitting at the dining room table with the seforim before him, learning, learning, learning. When I would come to play Scrabble, there he was already, right after lunch, as if he couldn’t wait to finish eating to crack open those books. This to me will always be especially impressive, knowing how he came late to the “feast”, and then couldn’t get enough of it.

The other memory which is indelible is of him always walking your mother to our door when it was her turn to come to my house for Scrabble on Shabbat. He never let her walk by herself, and always made sure that I was actually home and had opened the door, before leaving her. He would wave and call out a cheerful Shabbat Shalom before walking back home to his beloved Seforim.

My husband will always be grateful for the way both your parents walked over to see him when he was hospitalized over last Shavuot. I believe your Dad was already coughing at the time, so it was probably an extra effort for him to make the walk all the way to Cedars.

You don’t need me to tell you how special Daniel Rubin Z”L is and was, as a husband, a father, a doctor, a man. Our whole community is poorer as a result of his passing.
May you all find Nechama.
Fondly,
Frieda Korobkin

--
David Felsenthal:
Dear Brenda:
Please accept our heartfelt condolences.

I remember vividly the first time I met Daniel some 13 years ago at Union Station on the 6:05 a.m. train heading to Irvine. For a couple years we shared many morning trips together, the first part davening Shacharit with tallit and tefillin on the train. That there were two of us made it easier and less lonely for me. I had a company car that I kept at the Irvine train station to drive to my office. Rather than take my offer to drive Daniel to his office, Daniel always preferred the exercise of walking from the Irvine station to his office (except for the occasional rainy day).

Daniel moved on to a new position and so did I not long thereafter. Both of us much preferred working closer to home. But I thoroughly enjoyed Daniel's company and I will always remember those train rides.

המקום ינחם אותך בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים
May Daniel's memory be a blessing.

Fondly,
The Felsenthals
David, Felisa, Michael, Deena and Amira

Devora Korn's hesped (eulogy)

Thank you so much for coming to help us honor the memory of our father. As you already heard, my father was a very special person. There is a lot I have learned from his love of Hashem, Torah and Mitzvos, friends and family.

My father was passionate about Judaism, having become religious in his early 20s. He always loved to share inspirational stories, and often got choked up when retelling the emotional parts.

When I had a weak moment recently, I explained to my father that I didn’t think it was fair that we found out so late in his disease. And my father encouraged me to work on my emunah, and he said, “Was it fair that I have been married to a wonderful woman for over 40 years? Is it fair that I have my children and grandchildren?” He reminded me to  focus on all the brachos in my life. Many of you know, that if anyone ever spoke gossip around him, he would say, not so  subtly, “ No Lashon Hara, no lamed hay.” Recently we started talking about Emunah, and I thought that I would tell you about the CDs that we had been listening to. The same Rav can be found on  LearnTorah.com about strengthening one’s Emunah and Bitachon. It has helped me and I thought that my father was giving me a little mussar to work on my emunah, so I don’t know if anyone wants to join me in that pursuit.

In terms of friends and community, I am so grateful to everyone in this community who has been there for my parents.

There was the community-wide Tehillim at Young Israel with name-change, and I wanted to name the many people who had been there for my parents but I was scared that I would leave names out, but just know that it means so much to us. I also know how much everyone’s time and advice has helped my parents, and they received better medical care because many of our friends who are doctors in the community came offered help where there were gaps in the care. And even the Friday night dinners where people were bringing the dinner and joining my parents for the meals.

And I knew how much the friends meant to him because I was here just a few weeks ago, and I  thought that it was very exciting that I was in from New Jersey, and my father said to me, “I’m going to frozen yogurt with the Perls. You can come.”

And I know how much my siblings meant to my parents. Even recently, two weeks ago, when he was in the hospital, I was still texting him medical questions and he was still giving me answers. And he was proud of us in how we were each continuing in our Yiddishkeit, but we each charted our own paths in Avodas Hashem. And he and my mother were always there for us, in good times and bad.

Today is actually my son’s birthday, a son that I lost 10 years ago. And my parents immediately came out to help us. And I just got nechama that my father is going to be reunited with some of our loved ones.

Moshe's Divrei Preida (Eulogy)

בס"ד    

Israel thoughts

Due to the lack of time I'll speak in English and summarize briefly in Hebrew.  Thank you all for coming out even though it's not an easy hour to say the least. 

בגלל השעה אדבר באנגלית ואתמצת בעברית. דבר ראשון תודה רבה לכולכם שטרחתם להגיע למרות שזו שעה לא פשוטה.

1)      There's a pasuk in Zecharya that can be loosely translated to say the following "I will give you the ability to walk among those that are standing". While the simple meaning of the pasuk places the angels at a higher level, on a deeper level, there is a reference to an advantage we have over the angels, we have the ability to walk, move, and improve ourselves, while angels are static and stuck in one place.  One of the things that most impressed me about my father was his constant motion and yearning to improve.  He was not fortunate enough to have a quality and expensive yeshiva education, like the one he provided for his children, but he was constantly striving to learn more and progress in learning.  Although he started learning at a relatively late stage, recently he was able to replace the magid shiur in daf yomi when needed.  My father was fond of changing siddurim every so often, so that he could improve his tfila by learning a new perspective. In terms of working on his midot, my father was world class, my parents have a library of self help and mussar books that rivals the Library of Congress, and in many different parameters, such as dealing with his personal mourning and anger management my father was able to greatly progress over the years.  He had such a tremendous ability to forgive others, at this point I'm not even able to comprehend how he did it, much less emulate him. 

הפסוק בזכריה אומר "ונתתי לך מהלכים בין העומדים האלה". פסוק זה רומז ליתרון שיש לנו לעומת המלאכים, הם עומדים במקום ואילו אנחנו מסוגלים להתקדם ולשפר את עצמנו. למדתי מאבא שלי מה זה יכולת להתקדם בלימוד תורה, גם אם אין לך רקע תורני, ולמדתי מה זה תיקון מידות והיכולת לשפר את עצמך, גם בגיל מבוגר.

2)      The sweetness of Torah-  In the morning prayers we ask that Hashem make the Torah sweet for us, which seems to be quite an unusual request. We have the Torah, we learn it and that's it, why does it have to be sweet?  It seems that Chazal realized that in order for the Torah to be the cornerstone of our lives it has to be sweet for us.  In the introduction to his book, the Iglei Tal emphasizes this point and says that the main mitzvah of learning Torah is when you learn Torah due to your love for it, and that's the way to truly connect to Hashem.  That is one of the things I really got from my father as did my sisters B"H.  I have vivid memories of my father walking around the house in his bathrobe early Shabbos mornings.  Since at that point he was davening at Chabad he had many hours of "free time" on those mornings.  He would use it for learning, although there were other leisure activities available.  When my great-grandfather was living in LA, my father used to go learn with him on Sunday mornings, and I still remember going with him occasionally, even though I was very young.  He showed me by example what a Torah Jew does with his free time.  My father got tremendous enjoyment out of learning with us and made that a priority in his lives and our lives as well.  He was fond of the statement in Chazal that once Torah is firmly seated in 3 generations that insures the prominence of Torah in that family for future generations as well, and got no greater joy than hearing about Torah related accomplishments of his various grandchildren.

אנחנו למדנו מאבא שלי מה זה אהבת התורה והשקעה בתורה. אחד הדברים החשובים ביותר בעיניו, אם לא החשוב ביותר, היה העברת מסר זה לנו, והוא רווה הרבה נחת מהעובדה שכולנו דתיים ומסורים לתורה ומצוות.

3)      Spiritual Medicine- One of the famous traits of Yosef hatzaddik was that Hashem's name was always on his lips.  Nechama Leibowitz z"l presents an analysis of the psukim showing that Yosef did such a good job of putting Hashem center stage, that he even got Pharoah, a renowned idol worshipper, to talk about Hashem as the one who runs the world. My 7 year old daughter Noa was lamenting that Saba Daniel passed away, commenting that he was such a good doctor who helped her so much.  As a kid I must admit I didn't feel the same way.  My father's solution to everything was "Tehillim and Tylenol" in that order.  Even though I found it frustrating then,  I'm sure that my father's constant focus on Hashem being the boss, it's all "etzba Hashem", learning to accept Hashem's will etc. etc., has helped mold me as a spiritual and committed Jew.  Even though these have been tremendously difficult times, I hope and pray that we will internalize his tremendous emuna in Hashem and use these nisyonot as a growing experience.

אבא שלי היה רופא, אך תמיד שם את ה' במרכז כרופא כל בשר וממנו למדנו איך לראות את אצבע ה' בכל מקום.  אני מקוה שהפנמנו את החומר היטב וזה יאפשר לנו לצלוח תקופה קשה זו ואף לצמוח ממנה.

4)      Commitment to Family:  Off the top of my head I can think of many examples how my father put family first.  As a kid I never really understood why my father would return home so early while my friends' fathers would be coming home much later.  Only when I matured did I realize that by coming home early, my father made a clear statement that significant time with his family was much more important to him than his career or making more money. My father was not a sports fan, and it really bothered him that athletes, many of them not such tzadikim, earned so much money for just playing a game. Nevertheless, he was always gathering sports related information from patients, so that he could relate to me, as a rabid young sports fan, and as a kid we had a weekly minhag to go out and get a copy of Sports Illustrated, even though I assume he would have recommended other reading material. Even though there was a language barrier between him and my younger kids, he worked hard to find a way to connect to each of them. The example he set has left a strong imprint on me and had great influence on the career choices I made and how I conduct myself in my profession as a psychologist.  I often find myself meeting with parents of challenging kids, urging them to get the fathers more involved, I'm sure part of that has to do with my feeling that I'm a better person because of my father's significant presence in my life.  Yesterday one of my kids needed some Abba time so we went out for falafel; I was a little uncomfortable doing so on the night before my father's funeral, but Racheli told me that Abba would definitely approve of that decision; I think that story pretty much sums up the great importance my father placed on family, and the great effect it's had on each of us.

מאבא שלי למדתי מה זה מסירות למען המשפחה וזה השפיע עלי גם בבחירת מסלול מקצועי וגם בהחלטות מקצועיות כפסיכולוג. כשאני יושב עם הורים ומנגס' להם שהאבא יהיה יותר משמעותי בחיי הילדים, אני בטוח שחלק מזה זה בגלל הרושם האדיר שהנוכחות של אבא שלי בחיי הטביעה בי

I hope that we can all continue to learn from my Abba as a very special man.  Not so much by preaching, but by personal example he taught us what it means to live a life dedicated to Hashem and family.

Yosef Korn's thoughts

Yosef Korn, Devora's husband:

Where can I begin in expressing my feelings towards Abba. It is hard to believe that he is no longer with us in this world. I miss him terribly. While I was not a biological child, one could hardly tell the difference if you didn't know. From the day I first met Abba (back in 1999 (June 20th to be exact), and was immediately ushered to the backyard for a party snapper throw (although I think that was Ema's idea!) I have been treated as if I was a 5th Rubin child. I felt Abba's love as if I was a true biological son. The mere fact that he entrusted me to be his son in law and marry my eishes chayil shows how he felt about me. I loved him and will truly miss him. He was a true Abba to me. I could call him with questions, ask for advice and I had no reservations in doing so. To be completely honest, I never really considered him my father-in-law, he was always Abba. While many certainly have highlighted his road to frumkeit and his bein adam laMakom, I really am floored by his bein adam lachaveiro. I do not remember speaking negatively about others. Lashon Hara was a a no-no. He practiced what others preached. While every grandparent has a genuine love for their grandchildren, I cannot get past how much he loved his little kitty kat (Avigayil) and all of the googoopies. I am crushed that Shmuel will probably not remember him but am heartened that Shalom, Akiva and Avigayil (hopefully) will have warm memories of Saba's love. Abba's love of life, family and Torah is a mussar to me. While many talk the talk, Abba walked the walk in how he lived his life. Such a zest and gusto (do I need to say more than just hearing his laugh-which I believe Rabbi Tendler made mention of in his hesped). I cry when I think about how my favorite chag of the year, yes Pesach (chock full of romaine lettuce and Shatzer Matza), and more specifically the seder night(s)(for us chutznikim) will never be the same. The joy of Abba hiding the Afikomen and the kids running around giddily trying to find it is priceless. While we will make new seder memories, those are ones I can never forget. It meant so much, especially in retrospect, that Abba was able to make it to us for Chanukah this past year. The trip was not easy for him by any stretch, but he loved all of us and cancer be damned, he made it and saw his grandkids. I regret never really telling him how I truly felt about him. I hope I lived up to and will live up to being a son in law zocheh to have had a father in law as loving, accepting and genuine as Abba.